The Family Food Adventure: Supporting Feeding with Confidence
It's 6pm. Dinner is on the table. Your child takes one look at their plate and pushes it away.
"Just try one bite."
They shake their head.
"Please. Just taste it."
The tension builds. Your child starts crying. You feel your own frustration rising. The meal you spent 40 minutes preparing sits untouched while your child asks for crackers—again.
You think: Why is this so hard? Other kids just... eat.
Here's what you need to know: feeding challenges are incredibly common, especially for children with disability, sensory differences, or medical complexity. And the solution isn't about getting your child to "just eat." It's about rebuilding trust, reducing pressure, and understanding what feeding actually means.
Feeding Is More Than Nutrition
When we think about feeding, we often focus on the mechanics: Is my child getting enough calories? Are they eating a balanced diet? Are they growing properly?
Those things matter. But they're not the whole picture.
Feeding is also about connection, safety, and trust.
Mealtimes are social experiences. They're opportunities for families to gather, share stories, and build rituals. For children, mealtimes are also learning experiences—about textures, flavours, independence, and how food makes them feel.
When feeding becomes stressful, it affects more than nutrition. It affects the relationship between parent and child, the child's relationship with food, and the family's ability to enjoy time together.
At the RippleAbility Carer Respite Pilot, Melissa-Sue from The Feeding Clinic walked families through practical, evidence-based approaches to feeding that prioritise connection over compliance. What follows builds on those insights, with strategies you can start using today.
What Feeding Therapy Actually Is
Let's clear something up first: feeding therapy isn't just for "picky eaters."
Many parents hear "feeding therapy" and assume it's only for children with severe medical needs or significant delays. But feeding therapy is a collaborative, family-centred process that can help any child who's struggling with mealtimes.
Feeding therapy helps children:
Learn to trust food and the people around it
Build oral-motor and sensory skills
Strengthen safe swallowing
Explore new foods in positive, low-pressure ways
Find joy in shared mealtimes
It's not about forcing a child to eat. It's about understanding why they're not eating and creating the conditions for them to feel safe enough to try.
Who Provides Feeding Therapy?
Feeding therapy is typically delivered by speech pathologists (for oral-motor skills and swallowing) and occupational therapists (for sensory processing and self-feeding skills). Sometimes dietitians, psychologists, or paediatricians are also involved, depending on the child's needs.
The best feeding therapy is collaborative—working with families, not prescribing solutions to them.
Understanding the Mealtime Environment
Before we dive into specific strategies, let's talk about environment. The where, when, and how of mealtimes matter just as much as the what.
A supportive mealtime environment:
Feels predictable — Same place, similar times. Routines help children know what to expect and reduce anxiety.
Encourages independence — Even small choices (which plate to use, where to sit) give children a sense of control. Let them participate in preparation or serving when possible.
Uses positive language — "You can try if you're ready" instead of "You have to eat this." Language shapes how children perceive food and mealtimes.
Keeps pressure low — No forcing, bribing, or sneaky feeding (like hiding vegetables in other foods). Pressure backfires. It increases resistance and damages trust.
Includes family meals where possible — Eating together models social eating and exposes children to a variety of foods in a natural way.
Sensory Comfort Matters
Temperature, noise, smells, and textures all influence a child's willingness to eat. Consider:
Is the dining area too loud or visually overstimulating?
Are the smells overwhelming?
Is the chair comfortable? Can their feet touch the floor or a footrest?
Are the utensils, plates, and cups sensory-friendly?
Small environmental adjustments can make a big difference.
Key Approaches That Work
There are several evidence-based frameworks for supporting feeding. Here are the ones most commonly used in paediatric feeding therapy.
1. Your Child's Autonomy
Children need to feel safe and in control around food. When mealtimes feel coercive, their nervous system shifts into defence mode, and eating becomes impossible.
Let your child explore food at their own pace. Let them make small choices: "Do you want the red plate or the blue plate?" "Do you want to sit here or there?"
Autonomy builds safety. And safety is the foundation for trying new things.
2. Know Their Profile
Every child brings a unique feeding profile to the table. Consider:
Physical factors: Do they have oral-motor delays? Difficulty chewing or swallowing? Dental issues?
Sensory factors: Are they over-responsive to textures, smells, or temperatures? Do they seek or avoid certain sensations?
Emotional factors: Do they have anxiety around food? Have they had negative or painful feeding experiences in the past?
Medical history: Have they experienced reflux, vomiting, choking, or aspiration?
Understanding your child's profile helps you see their feeding challenges as adaptive responses, not defiance.
3. Division of Responsibility
The Division of Responsibility, developed by feeding expert Ellyn Satter, is one of the most important concepts in paediatric feeding.
Here's how it works:
Parents decide:
What food is offered
When meals and snacks happen
Where eating takes place
Children decide:
If they eat
How much they eat
This framework removes the power struggle. You're not responsible for making your child eat. You're responsible for offering nutritious food in a supportive environment. Your child is responsible for listening to their own hunger and fullness cues.
It sounds simple, but it's incredibly hard to implement—especially if you're worried about your child's weight or nutrition. But research consistently shows: when children are allowed to self-regulate, they eat better in the long run.
4. Responsive Feeding
Responsive feeding means following your child's cues and responding to their communication—verbal or non-verbal—about hunger, fullness, and food preferences.
It's the opposite of pressure feeding, where parents decide when a child has had "enough" or insist they eat certain amounts.
In responsive feeding:
You notice when your child is hungry and offer food
You notice when they're full and stop offering
You celebrate interest in food, not just intake
You focus on connection and curiosity, not volume
Responsive feeding builds trust. It teaches children that their signals matter, that adults will listen, and that mealtimes are safe.
5. Gentle Exposure
Children often need repeated, low-pressure exposure to a food before they're willing to try it. Research suggests it can take 10–15 (or more) exposures before a child accepts a new food.
Gentle exposure means:
Keep offering previously rejected foods in a relaxed way
Don't react if they don't eat it
Let them see you eating and enjoying it
Let them explore the food without eating it (touching, smelling, licking, spitting out)
Familiarity builds confidence. But it only works if there's no pressure attached.
When to Seek Feeding Support
Not all feeding challenges require professional intervention. But it's worth talking to your GP, speech pathologist, or occupational therapist if your child:
Coughs, gags, or chokes frequently during meals
Refuses entire food groups or textures
Has a history of aspiration or respiratory illness
Struggles with weight gain or hydration
Avoids eating in social settings
Shows extreme distress around mealtimes
Early support can prevent feeding difficulties from becoming entrenched patterns.
A Note on Complex Feeding
Some children have more complex feeding needs—such as those who are tube-fed, have significant oral-motor difficulties, or are at risk of aspiration. These situations require specialised support and medical oversight.
We'll be creating a dedicated resource on complex feeding soon. For now, if your child has medical feeding complexities, please work closely with your healthcare team or get in touch with the RippleAbility directly for advise on where to get support.
The Core Word: "Finished"
One simple but powerful tool for supporting communication around mealtimes is teaching the core word "finished" (or "all done").
This gives children a way to signal when they're done eating—without needing to throw food, leave the table, or melt down.
You can use:
A visual card with "finished" on it
A sign (like hands waving or clapping)
An AAC button or device
Model it consistently: "Oh, you're finished! You're all done eating!" Point to the word or sign as you say it.
Over time, your child will start using it independently. And when they do, honour it. Even if they've only eaten two bites. Trusting their communication builds trust in the relationship.
Practical Tips for Everyday Mealtimes
Here are some quick, evidence-based strategies you can try at home:
Eat together when possible. Children learn by watching. If they see you eating and enjoying a variety of foods, they're more likely to try them too.
Offer small portions. Large portions can feel overwhelming. Start small. They can always ask for more.
Include at least one "safe" food at every meal. This ensures your child has something they feel comfortable eating and reduces mealtime anxiety.
Avoid "short-order cooking." Offer one meal for the whole family. If your child doesn't eat it, that's okay. They'll eat at the next meal or snack.
Narrate what's happening. "You're touching the carrot. You're smelling it. You're licking it." This normalises exploration without pressure.
Stay neutral. Don't praise eating or show disappointment when they don't eat. Keep your reactions calm and consistent.
Let them serve themselves. Even young children can use serving spoons (with help). This builds autonomy and reduces pressure.
Reflection Prompt
Before you move forward, take a moment to reflect:
"What does a calm, connected mealtime look like for our family?"
Think about what helps your child feel safe at the table—the environment, people, words, or routines. Small changes here can create big emotional wins.
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From the RippleAbility Team
Feeding is one of the most emotionally charged parts of parenting. It touches on primal instincts—keeping your child nourished, safe, and growing.
When feeding is hard, it's easy to feel like you're failing. But you're not. Feeding challenges are complex, and they're incredibly common.
What we want you to know is this: pressure doesn't work. But trust does. When you create the conditions for safety, autonomy, and connection, children eat better. Not overnight—but over time.
You're doing better than you think.
This resource provides general guidance only. Every child is unique—please seek professional advice that fits your family's specific needs.
